How to be an Alpha Male


Doubt your position, then stand over it.

Use expansive gestures in small malls.

Do not confuse confidence with white magic.

This can be overstated. This can’t.

The eyes have it. Look. Every one. In the Eyes.

Be the after-shave commercial you were born to.

Not everyone can smell like you. It’s true.

Possibly wear a tie. Red is a primate colour.

Balls are bigger in the face.

Never eat soft tacos. Fists before napkins.

Flirt with potential mates. Anesthetically please others.

Know how to treat a lady. Call her bay-bee in the bath.

​Eat with a warrior’s heart. Think​ raw thought.

Let rooms enter you. Leave windows broken.

Evolve. Dogs are descended from wolves. Hunt indoors.

Stare. Look up like you’ve​ found an answer.

(The alpha male never copies himself.)

Repeat: there is no quit in this man.

Fight to de​fend​ defences.

Join a gym to become a hard shape.

Learn the language of body art.

Fill the bed​room with your presents.

Give nothing away.

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