turkey vulture quiz


when turkey vultures are threatened, they

  1. vomit
  2. play dead
  3. razzle dazzle


turkey vultures locate carrion by

  1. leaving no trace in that way
  2. positive thinking
  3. smell


the turkey vulture uses ___ to stay soaring

  1. the hob-heeled fist of chance
  2. thermals and updrafts
  3. various bribes and official oversight


turkey vultures pee on themselves to

  1. hit the jackpot
  2. kill the bacteria on their feet from walking through carcasses
  3. stay cool man


on an extreme close-up, a turkey vulture’s little red head makes you want to

  1. stroke the soft stubbly hairs with your index finger, barely daring to breathe; fall into a swoon forever
  2. find another being to take care of if you don’t have one already, sing him/her a lullaby
  3. marry him anyway


the head is featherless because

  1. the bird is in many ways negligent
  2. it flew to the sun which it pushed back in order to cool the world, singeing occurred
  3. that way rotten flesh won’t stick to it


the turkey vulture sits with its wings spread out to

  1. dry its feathers
  2. increase its surface area so as to get warm quicker
  3. be spooky like playing ghosts with bedsheets


unlike other raptors, turkey vultures have

  1. nasal passages that are completely open at each end, like a train station
  2. feet made for walking
  3. the attitude of not taking what hasn’t been freely given


a turkey vulture walks like

  1. getting out of a bath
  2. a game of hopscotch
  3. saying one thing and meaning another


two meters is

  1. a happy bubble
  2. the distance the birds can projectile vomit
  3. the average area for turkey vulture hopscotch


if a turkey vulture gorges itself it can have trouble

  1. admitting it’s relapsed
  2. regaining inner peace
  3. getting off the ground again


the turkey vulture soars

  1. in a relationship of honesty with itself
  2. engaging interactively with every passing thought
  3. in wobbly circles


turkey vultures can survive anthrax and botulism bacteria because

  1. they do not have a well-developed sickness vocabulary or social script, do not use “should have” or “if only” statements, and always forgive
  2. they are hiding right outside your door and you can’t seem to shake them off your trail
  3. they have highly acidic stomachs


turkey vultures can’t kill because

  1. they are committed to doing no harm
  2. they are too lazy
  3. they can’t grab anything with their feet


turkey vultures can be killed by

  1. humans who wrongly believe they attack livestock
  2. vehicle collisions when eating on the road (humans)
  3. lead in shot animals, and pesticides in other carcasses (humans)


a turkey vulture perched on a branch in a strong wind looks like

  1. a collapsed umbrella
  2. a toaster oven
  3. an unpredictable future

* “they are hiding …” lyrics from John Mayer, “Vultures.”

“turkey vulture quiz” was previously published in Entropy, Dec 2017 (USA).

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a story


or to go to the end of the line

where you talk about manuals


and present tense, say that


afterparties and quarterback mondays

the whole thing happens thrillingly


as required. tuesdays

(i don’t say there are never irrelevancies)


and when i say perfect of course

i mean flawed in the most perfect


you know, some kind of

progression was going to


fully-formed, someday, the story

that would make it all


the trace of a trace, something done

some time, or just a suggestion


to be bald-faced is to lie


in a landscape, with a small change in it

or a small change in attitude towards


it. take solace in the fact that i fall in

the second category (thunk but no


worries) rather than no


if you catch yourself doubled over

the ducks past a post


will lead to a miraculous set piece

crouching in a shopping trolley


look baby i’m double parked

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